but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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