you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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