Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
