she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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