How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
