there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
