I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
