This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
