I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
