so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
