Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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