i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
