just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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