I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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