The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
