i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
