I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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