shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't put those talents on a resume
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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