I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
