he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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