New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
