You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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