if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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