Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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