You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
