he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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