I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They took my balls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
