i need an iv and a liver transplant
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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