Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
