kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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