just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
