there's paper in my vomit.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
