Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
