is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
