Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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