i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
