omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
