man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
