thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
