I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
