For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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