You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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