My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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