They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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