Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
