Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
