I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
