Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize