he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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