I don't usually arrange sex via text message
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Floor bacon is actually really good
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
