There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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