ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
