he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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