A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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